First came the pandemic. Then came a broken ankle from a slip on a slick patch of grass. The year 2020 was off to a rough start for Mary (not her real name).

“I had given up – I just couldn’t be bothered to try to find someone for a romantic relationship,” says Mary, recalling those dark days. “And with COVID… yuck! The whole thought of dating someone was like a big fat ‘NO’.”

A designer who often works as a buyer of furniture and other items for film and TV sets, Mary had long ago sworn off dating anyone she worked with. In her early 60s, she felt no need to start anything new and figured she was fine on her own. Her last relationship had ended with the guy cheating on her.

But a call from Susan Semeniw of Divine Intervention Matchmaking changed everything. Susan broke through Mary’s reluctance with a plea to give some guy on Vancouver Island a 30-minute shot on the phone. “Thirty minutes? The first time we talked, the call lasted almost four hours,” gushes Mary. “On other calls, we talked as long as five and six hours. This guy is way more than just a nice guy. He’s very unusual. Intelligent, kind, with a sense of humour, and his conversational skills are epic.”

Susan had initially held back on showing Mary a photo of the guy. When she finally sent one, it was of a buff dude in a blazer. “I thought, well, he’s a nice looking man,” says Mary. “And wow, he’s really in very good shape. Even in a blazer I could still tell. That was different than what I’m used to – any athletic guys I had dated were built more like tennis players. But he was nice looking.”

Meanwhile on Vancouver Island, 67-year-old teacher Ian (not his real name) was falling hard for this sparkplug of a woman he had never met. And after nearly two months of marathon phone calls, it was time they got together.

“From the start, there was this affinity we felt for each other, and it grew into something more,” says Ian, a Clark Kent intellectual whose Superman years were spent in the world of pro sports.

Dinner, a ring, and a promise

Two months into their virtual dating, Ian didn’t just want to meet Mary. He wanted her to get acquainted with his adult son and his best friend, too. Mary agreed to the meeting, on her terms.

“At the time, I wasn’t feeling great about myself and didn’t want to dress up,” says Mary. “I told him: ‘There will be no high heels. There’s going to be nothing.’ He talked about places to go for dinner and I said: ‘I don’t want anything fancy. Would you mind just making dinner at home so we could have a quiet night and I can put my foot up?”

Ian agreed, made a yummy souvlaki dinner and baked a pie. It turns out the intellectual athlete could cook. He also let her chill while he headed to his home gym for a workout, check in to ice her ankle, and introduced her to the son he lived with.

“I adore his son,” she says. “The two of us get along like a house on fire.” The second time Mary visited Ian, he had a surprise for her: a sapphire ring he had picked out for her weeks before he met her face-to-face.

“When I bought the ring, I was thinking, you haven’t even kissed this woman or held her hand,” he recalls with a chuckle.

“We had this virtual relationship, but there was such a great mutual attraction. I had found someone who was from the heart, and cerebral. There’s just something about her giving spirit. What we have is just so natural and right. It’s hard to explain it.”

When Mary was presented with the wrapped gift, she guessed it was jewelry but wondered why, because Ian knew she didn’t wear much jewelry. “And then I saw the ring, and that’s when he said ‘I love you’,” she says.

A word of advice to others: Always have hope

Ian and Mary are in it for the long haul. Ian is renovating his Island home to accommodate Mary.

His advice to others working with his Susan is to trust her judgment.

“There were several women [with Divine Intervention] who showed interest, and she rejected the idea because she knew they wouldn’t be right for me,” he says. “I had about four dates through the service before I met Mary. She’s one Susan really thought could be a great match. I’m still pinching myself and wondering how this all happened.”

Mary can’t believe it either.

“This is a one-off, I’ll tell you that, “ she says. “I’ve never had that thing with somebody where we just clicked this much. I admire him, he’s a really good man, and we have so much fun together.”

*** names have been changed for privacy

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Why people are not finding the right partner

After thousands of extensive interviews over 11 years with clients, matches and with those optimistic to find a partner, the team at Divine Intervention can’t help but notice that Vancouverites are dating predominantly based on geography—meaning they’re choosing location over more important items on their checklists.

Vancouverites simply have no idea they are doing this.

In our experience, Vancouverites believe they will fall in love with someone who lives within their neighbourhood proximity and that person will also have every quality they are looking for in a partner.

Here is a common example of what we encounter during our interviews:

A man or woman walks into our office and is a born-and-raised Vancouverite and has lived in the same Vancouver neighbourhood his or her whole life. He/she mentions they really want to meet someone great and provides around six or seven top qualities (physical/mental/emotional/spiritual) that he/she is looking for in a partner. The moment we mention if he/she would be willing to date someone living in Metro Vancouver (Burnaby, Coquitlam, New Westminster, etc.), or if they would cross a bridge or go under a tunnel for a partner, he/she freezes. 

Why? This is what we call “Bridge-and-Tunnel Affliction” where the thought of dating someone that might require a commute completely turns them off. 

I wonder if people know that Vancouver only has 600,000 people and if one has lived in Vancouver all their life then they’ve probably met the majority of the Vancouver population. I wonder if they know that if we include all Metro Vancouver that it still makes up 2.5 million people and that’s not even taking into account married couples, children, the elderly…you get the picture.  

So now we have someone who’s likely met a lot of people within proximity. Now we need to factor in age preferences and marital status. As someone over the age of 40, that pool of people becomes significantly smaller.

And now we are onto the important things: morals and values.

And then don’t forget about level of attractiveness.

After 45-minute consults, many people leave our office feeling like the person they “want” to meet does not exist.

Guess what? He/she does—give just takes a short commute to find them. 

Vancouverites, expanding your pool is the only way you’ll meet new and suitable people. Just like landing your dream job, you will have to relocate since their head office may not be in your native city. Many people would relocate for a new career, but we find many people would not relocate for love. We have had a lot of success pairing up people who have commuted between two markets because they felt the relationship was worth it and they knew that their perfect partner may not actually be in their city. It requires a certain level of open-mindedness, which we strongly encourage if what you have been doing for dating has not been working for you.

Just realized you’re also dating for convenience? Give us a ring to find out what else might be keeping the love of your life from walking into yours. 

Curious about more distance-related dating? Check out this article on long-distance relationships

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