Barry Schwartz, a U.S. psychologist, powerfully sums up the challenges faced when choosing a romantic partner in today’s world. Schwartz’s 2004 novel outlines that people often assume, more choices gives you more opportunity. This idea is flawed — especially in the world of dating. Schwartz suggests we should opt for being Satisficers making “good enough” choices which will lead to happier lives, as opposed to being Maximizers who need to exhaust all choices before making a decision. Maximizers are usually left feeling doubtful about their choice even after having made one.

Paralysis: One Of the Core Concepts of the Paradox Choice

As matchmakers at Divine Intervention, our job is to reverse the paralysis current and prospective clients experience during the matchmaking and dating process.

The selection of CHOICE can often lead a person into feeling indecisive and paralyzed. A person may feel overwhelmed on whether to go exclusive with someone, or continue exploring their options. Dating online has opened the doors for thousands of people within close proximity to be matched. This huge selection of choice however makes it difficult for people to STOP dating around,  in fear they might miss out on meeting the right person.

Classic example of The Paradox of Choice is when our team does date feedback follow up to see how our client enjoyed the date we set them up on:

“I really loved meeting John, he is just about everything I am looking for; however, I would still like to continue to meet your next match for me.”

This demonstrates symptoms of a Maximizer –

Although satisfied, she does not want to make a firm decision to stop meeting other people. She is solely hanging on to the idea that there are other bachelor(s) out there to be met, and will move onto the next in hopes that next match may be just be “The Perfect Match”

Perfection doesn’t exist however –  Maximizers believe that if there are so many choices out there, then they need not to settle for anything but perfection. This process is exhausting and disappointment is likely to arise.

3 ways Divine Intervention is trying to reverse the Paradox of Choice for our clients:

• Providing a select amount of introductions of higher quality to our clients;
• Providing varied lengths of membership, for time to get to know their matches without the burnout and without feeling the need to dismiss and move onto the next match quickly;
• Guiding clients out of the Maximizer mentality by educating them on their patterns and deciding collectively to make a shift in thinking towards “less is more” when it comes to dating and that it’s not always just a “numbers game”

 
Tired, confused and feeling like you’re just a number? Email info@divinematchmaking.com and find out how we help you do dating differently.
 
Want to know more on The Paradox of Choice? Check out Barry Schwartz’s Ted Talk here

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Your love life is important and deserves special attention.

Online can be a full-time job. Using a matchmaker cuts the hard work and energy of sifting through profiles during your spare time and making sure the people are real with good intentions.

We get the answers and information about someone that will take you much longer to find out.
Matchmakers do the leg work for you. We pre-screen people in-depth, ask a lot of questions on likes/dislikes, activities, background and assess compatibility and lifestyle.

We meet your prospects face-to-face, read energy and see beyond a one-way picture. And check if someone is true to their photo. We want to make sure that what you see is what you get. We see potential where you may be too quick too dismiss.
All you have to do is “DRESS UP & SHOW UP”

2. Confidentiality

If you value your privacy and discretion, or are a high-profile person dating in Vancouver, you may not feel as comfortable using online platforms and showcasing your personal life.

Matchmakers actively scout everywhere on your behalf. We pre-qualify on your behalf for two-way compatibility. We can approach and assess love potential without someone knowing who you are. And we can often get you an introduction that you can’t do on your own.

3. Honest Feedback

Date feedback, first impressions and presentation are essential.

Often there is a simple miscommunication between two individuals after a date. One person felt things were great, the other felt it went well however has a few concerns which they will happily share with us.

We create a safety net for you to be open and honest in your feedback. We’ve navigated many situations where a simple miscommunication would have caused the two individuals to never meet again, however with our inside knowledge from both parties… It’s a simple fix and magic happens.

People can reveal too much, repeat the same mistakes and patterns over and over again. We are here to break your cycle and have you open up to new opportunities.

We help you get out of your own way and ensure that you present your best foot forward.

4. We are experts in Dating and Relationships

In life we work better as a team and with an expert. Things get done quicker, better and more effectively. You go to a hair dresser to get your haircut, you find a dentist to fix your teeth, you go to an accountant for your finances and a personal trainer to up your physical game.

Matchmaking is an Art and Science. A professional Matchmaker can often see opportunities and potential where you do not and have access to high calibre men and women looking for a long-term relationship. Our job is to know people and see potential. We have an eye for chemistry.

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First dates can be extremely tricky; both men and women are aiming to be their best selves while also making sure they don’t run into any first-date potholes—so to speak. Often times, a guy will tell us after a date that he thinks he totally hit it off with a woman, but when we talk to the woman, her side of the story can be very different. There are always two sides to every story.

Gentlemen, after specific date feedback from the ladies of Divine, we are here to share popular one-liners from them to help bring you success on your future first dates:

“I was at the restaurant before him”

When the woman is there before the man, it doesn’t send the right message. It says you’re rushed, unaware of time and disorganized. We understand that it takes time to find parking or that you’re running late because your call at work ran later than expected, but be mindful that a first impression is critical. By arriving slightly earlier than her and greeting her first, it signals to the woman that you’re confident, you want to meet her and you realize this is an important date.

“He said he already ate and just wanted to do drinks”

To eat, or not to eat—that is the question. If you’re meeting for a drink, the answer is: EAT. Ideally, the male would ask his date right away if she is hungry; this signals to a woman that he cares about her needs and is taking charge during the date. No need to order a full-course meal; however, an appetizer or two is great, and you’d likely want to consider a tapas-style restaurant to avoid any confusion on this (if in Vancouver we love The Greek and Nightingale). Gents, even if you’re not hungry, order something any way. If you don’t, it might come off that you’re on a budget and are not taking the date seriously. And gentleman, always pick up the first-date tab—no questions asked. Humans are still old-fashioned when it comes to dating.

“He was weird about how long we should hangout for”

It’s not uncommon for two people on a date to have what we refer to as a “marathon” date, where the length of the time exceeds what is recommended and the drinks just keep flowing. The ideal amount of time for a date is around an hour to determine if there is chemistry and common ground. We have discovered throughout the feedback process that a date lasting longer than an hour enables people to overshare and also get a little too tipsy. To avoid this, we recommend a two-drink maximum (ahem, that means two 5-oz glasses of wine) over a period of an hour which will give you  enough conversation to want to see them for a second date. Also keep in mind that just because we’ve strongly suggested a one-hour date, doesn’t mean you have to look at your watch as the 60-minute mark approaches (yes! We have heard that a lot of men take the rule quite literally, giving off the impression he didn’t want to be there and couldn’t wait to leave).  Always leave someone wanting more and a 2^nd date is always much more relaxed.

“I asked him about his ex and past relationships and I just don’t think he’s ready for something serious again”

No one wins when they’re asked about their ex, or when they ask about their date’s ex. Again, it is a lose-lose situation and you need to be prepared for this. We have learned that often times women are the ones who want to know more about a guy’s previous relationship to determine if there is potential between she and him. This is not the barometer to determine chemistry or romantic potential. Men, you are honest creatures, but do not fall under the subtle trap of a question relating to your ex. Instead, let her know that you respect your ex and you’re here on the date to learn more about her, not rehash the past. Be calm, collected and jovial, as coming off too seriously when asked about the ex can signal you might not be over the grieving process of your breakup. Change the topic and move on to another subject. And don’t talk about your dates with others, period. Focus only on the person in front of you (and not the buzzing coming from your phone in your pocket…Tinder can wait).

“He didn’t ask me how I am getting home and the goodbye was a bit awkward”

As the first date comes to an end, it’s important to make a good impression for the goodbye. Worst case scenario, you had a nice time but don’t feel enough potential for date two; in this situation, we’d recommend politely asking her how she’s getting home and if you want to get her a cab. It is very gentlemanly and leaves a great impression should you run into her again at an event or on the street. The last impression is also a lasting impression, so make sure to be courteous and respectful even the date wasn’t as magical as you’d have hoped. Always be polite and a gentleman. Chivalry is alive and well.

These are just a few helpful tips for your first date. To learn more about how you can improve your first date success, email   a Matchmaker Vancouver for a consultation or call us at (604)-488-0866. Good luck!

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