You were charming. You thought your date was impressed with your witty banter. So why wasn’t there a second date? What went wrong? Unless the obvious, say, he/she was married, you’re probably still trying to figure out if you said the wrong thing to the (potential) right one.
Timing, of course, has everything to do with appropriate dialogue. Among a litany of conversation killers that will land you in the serial dater status, avoid these three first date conversation topics that will, in all likelihood, derail your chance of a second date.
1. Ex Talk
Regardless if you had an amicable parting, do not talk about your ex. If your date is persistent, there’s no harm in revealing how long you were together. For example, “we dated for a year and then both moved on,” but no details, then change the subject. Politely decline to speak about your ex and say that you’d rather concentrate on the present than the past, and save that topic for a future discussion. Instead, focus on each other. Trust us. If you ignore this first date faux pas, it will instantly deflate any present or potential romantic mood. It’s a no-win first date subject.
2. Financial Status
Whether you’re flush with profits or debt-laden, the first date is not an appropriate time to disclose your tax bracket or net worth. Thriving in a healthy financial position is an attractive status but no one wants to hear you brag about how much money you make. Boast about your fat bank account and you’ll only sound arrogant, not confident. Men, if you want to entice a gold digger, carry on. Otherwise, most women aren’t impressed with material things if they aren’t the priority. Equally off-putting is listening to you drone on about your business struggles, like say, how you fell victim to the latest Ponzi scheme. Establishing common ground and a connection are your immediate goals, which can be achieved by discussing mutual interests, travel and hobbies; find out what makes you compatible.
Negative talk is a turn-off to both sexes. Unless of course you’re looking for someone to complain with, à la misery loves company, it’s best to keep your conversations lighthearted and positive. Otherwise it’s a red flag if everything your date says is negative and derogatory. If someone is comfortable bad-mouthing everyone and critical of everything, including their friends, career and family, they’re probably not a happy person in general or much fun to be around.
We’ve received feedback from our clients who revealed their date complained about everything from the restaurant’s wait staff to their current financial struggle. Some people show up to a date annoyed and frazzled from work, which is definitely not a springboard to a positive icebreaker. Stop whining ad nauseam about your office politics. It’s unbecoming and boring for your date. Don’t hold on to any negative energy from your busy day; nothing is sexy about using your date as a dumping ground for your despairs.
How to Avoid Toxic First Date Conversations: Divine Intervention Coaching Services
If you’ve ever jeopardized a second date with inapt first date conversation — we can help.
Divine Intervention aims to provide the best tools to set you up for relationship success. As part of our matchmaking process we follow-up with each client after their first date and request specific feedback. Both clients can expect a post date assessment, which provides a revealing truthful account. Our open and direct system helps you achieve more successful future dates.
We offer matchmaking packages designed to prepare men and women for dating success, which always include our coaching services. Call us today to learn about our coaching and professional relationship partners who will help you find your best match.