First dates can be extremely tricky; both men and women are aiming to be their best selves while also making sure they don’t run into any first-date potholes—so to speak. Often times, a guy will tell us after a date that he thinks he totally hit it off with a woman, but when we talk to the woman, her side of the story can be very different. There are always two sides to every story.
Gentlemen, after specific date feedback from the ladies of Divine, we are here to share popular one-liners from them to help bring you success on your future first dates:
“I was at the restaurant before him”
When the woman is there before the man, it doesn’t send the right message. It says you’re rushed, unaware of time and disorganized. We understand that it takes time to find parking or that you’re running late because your call at work ran later than expected, but be mindful that a first impression is critical. By arriving slightly earlier than her and greeting her first, it signals to the woman that you’re confident, you want to meet her and you realize this is an important date.
“He said he already ate and just wanted to do drinks”
To eat, or not to eat—that is the question. If you’re meeting for a drink, the answer is: EAT. Ideally, the male would ask his date right away if she is hungry; this signals to a woman that he cares about her needs and is taking charge during the date. No need to order a full-course meal; however, an appetizer or two is great, and you’d likely want to consider a tapas-style restaurant to avoid any confusion on this (if in Vancouver we love The Greek and Nightingale). Gents, even if you’re not hungry, order something any way. If you don’t, it might come off that you’re on a budget and are not taking the date seriously. And gentleman, always pick up the first-date tab—no questions asked. Humans are still old-fashioned when it comes to dating.
“He was weird about how long we should hangout for”
It’s not uncommon for two people on a date to have what we refer to as a “marathon” date, where the length of the time exceeds what is recommended and the drinks just keep flowing. The ideal amount of time for a date is around an hour to determine if there is chemistry and common ground. We have discovered throughout the feedback process that a date lasting longer than an hour enables people to overshare and also get a little too tipsy. To avoid this, we recommend a two-drink maximum (ahem, that means two 5-oz glasses of wine) over a period of an hour which will give you enough conversation to want to see them for a second date. Also keep in mind that just because we’ve strongly suggested a one-hour date, doesn’t mean you have to look at your watch as the 60-minute mark approaches (yes! We have heard that a lot of men take the rule quite literally, giving off the impression he didn’t want to be there and couldn’t wait to leave). Always leave someone wanting more and a 2nd date is always much more relaxed.
“I asked him about his ex and past relationships and I just don’t think he’s ready for something serious again”
No one wins when they’re asked about their ex, or when they ask about their date’s ex. Again, it is a lose-lose situation and you need to be prepared for this. We have learned that often times women are the ones who want to know more about a guy’s previous relationship to determine if there is potential between she and him. This is not the barometer to determine chemistry or romantic potential. Men, you are honest creatures, but do not fall under the subtle trap of a question relating to your ex. Instead, let her know that you respect your ex and you’re here on the date to learn more about her, not rehash the past. Be calm, collected and jovial, as coming off too seriously when asked about the ex can signal you might not be over the grieving process of your breakup. Change the topic and move on to another subject. And don’t talk about your dates with others, period. Focus only on the person in front of you (and not the buzzing coming from your phone in your pocket…Tinder can wait).
“He didn’t ask me how I am getting home and the goodbye was a bit awkward”
As the first date comes to an end, it’s important to make a good impression for the goodbye. Worst case scenario, you had a nice time but don’t feel enough potential for date two; in this situation, we’d recommend politely asking her how she’s getting home and if you want to get her a cab. It is very gentlemanly and leaves a great impression should you run into her again at an event or on the street. The last impression is also a lasting impression, so make sure to be courteous and respectful even the date wasn’t as magical as you’d have hoped. Always be polite and a gentleman. Chivalry is alive and well.
These are just a few helpful tips for your first date. To learn more about how you can improve your first date success, email a Matchmaker Vancouver for a consultation or call us at (604)-488-0866. Good luck!