The research that proves why men aren’t getting to a second date
How many times have you gone on a date with a woman thinking it went well, but she never contacted you post-date even though you were a gentleman; took her to a nice place, opened the car door and even sent her a text to make sure she made it home okay? There could be more than one reason, but for starters, women interpreted your honest words for red flags. Having interviewed hundreds of matches post-date in our matchmaking service, we often hear from the woman that her date was a total gentleman, but that they “overshared” and she is not interested in a second date as a result of this.
Isn’t honesty the best policy?
Dr. John Gray, revolutionary author of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, explains in his book, Why Mars and Venus Collide, that researchers have found women to have six or seven language centres in both hemispheres of their brains, while men have fewer language centres located only in one hemisphere of the brain. Women are actually capable of translating words in so many different ways, and at more rapid speeds than men realize. It’s also the reason why women are great at articulating their thoughts and feelings so well, while men have a much harder time doing so.
So what then?
Let’s go back to date one. As mentioned, in our experience, men overshare on first dates; they talk about their full dating history, why their ex was a narcissist and how the food served was mediocre. These are not topics to get women hot, no matter how many language centres they have. On top of that, women will interpret his not-so-amicable relationship with his ex and mother to your child as meaning:
- You are not currently emotionally available;
- Not currently ready for a relationship;
- Not currently ready to have more kids;
- Not in the right headspace to date
…and the translations and interpretations continue. Men often will tell women what their situation is, and women will take that statement and convert it into several possible meanings.
So what can a guy do about it?
Men would benefit from recognizing the way in which women interpret information—it is simply not the same. It is also the reason why we tell all our clients and matches to keep dates short, light-hearted, to-the-point and fun/flirty. The only goal of a first date is to get to a second date, and marathon dates and oversharing don’t create room for mystery.
Looking for more tips and dating intel? Contact us to find out more on how we can help you get out of your own way.