Who Says You Have to Move In? Rethinking Relationships After 50
There used to be a fairly predictable relationship roadmap: you met, dated, became serious, moved in together and perhaps got married.
But does every relationship—particularly after 50—have to follow the same path?
By the time you reach your 50s, 60s or 70s, you may already have a home you love, financial independence, children and grandchildren, close friendships, pets, routines and a life you’ve spent decades building. A relationship should add to that life, not automatically turn it upside down.
For some couples, the next chapter will mean marriage and sharing a home. For others, it may mean maintaining two homes while building a committed life together. And sometimes, the best choice is simply to date, enjoy one another and let the relationship unfold before deciding what comes next.
You certainly don’t have to know how it’s going to end before it has even begun.
What is Living Apart Together?
Living Apart Together, commonly known as LAT, describes couples in committed relationships who maintain separate homes. It doesn’t mean the relationship is casual, temporary or less meaningful.
LAT couples may spend several nights a week together, travel, celebrate holidays, support one another through difficult times and become part of each other’s families. They can be fully committed while still appreciating having a space of their own.
For people dating later in life, there can be very practical reasons for keeping separate homes. Both partners may own property, have different financial arrangements, want to preserve assets for their children or have family responsibilities.
Other reasons are much simpler. One person stays up late while the other is awake at 5:30 every morning. One loves city life while the other wants peace and quiet. There may be pets, different standards of tidiness or simply a strong preference for personal space.
And sometimes, it’s nice to miss each other.
LAT relationships are more common than many people realize. Statistics Canada reported that 1.9 million Canadians were in Living Apart Together relationships in 2011. While many younger couples intended to eventually live together, that intention declined considerably with age. Only 28% of people aged 60 and older in LAT relationships said they planned to live together in the future.
More recent research from the United Kingdom found that LAT is a particularly common choice among people who form new relationships after 60. These partnerships can offer many of the emotional benefits of a close relationship while allowing both people to maintain greater independence.
Why Living Apart Together can work after 50
A relationship later in life is different from one formed at 25 or 35. You aren’t necessarily starting out together, buying your first home or planning to raise children. More often, you’re bringing two established lives together—and neither person should automatically have to dismantle theirs.
Separate homes can allow couples to maintain their independence, routines and financial autonomy while still enjoying love, companionship and intimacy. Time together can also become more intentional. You’re together because you choose to be, not simply because you share an address.
But separate homes don’t eliminate the need for commitment or communication. Couples still need to talk honestly about exclusivity, finances, holidays, family, caregiving and how much time they want to spend together.
LAT is simply another way of structuring a committed relationship—and one that can make particularly good sense later in life.
Helen Fisher studied love—and lived it her way
The late Dr. Helen Fisher spent decades studying romantic love, attraction and attachment. A biological anthropologist and senior research fellow at the Kinsey Institute, she became one of the best-known voices on why we fall in love and stay attached.
Her own later-life relationship didn’t follow the traditional script.
Fisher married writer and journalist John Tierney in 2020, when she was 75. Although married and committed, they maintained separate homes in New York—hers in Manhattan and his in the Bronx—and divided their time between them.
They didn’t believe commitment required sharing one permanent address.
There’s something fitting about that. A woman who spent decades studying love also understood that there isn’t only one right way to have a relationship.
Particularly later in life, we have more freedom to create the partnership that works for the two people in it—not for your parents, your friends, your adult children or the person you were married to before.
For you.
Get to know someone before you predict the ending
As a matchmaker, I hear firm declarations all the time:
- “I’ll never get married again.”
- “I’ll never live with someone again.”
- “I couldn’t date someone who lives an hour away.”
- “I’m never selling my house.”
Maybe. But never say never.
You don’t need to decide whether you’re going to put a ring on someone’s finger while you’re still deciding whether you want a second date.
Get to know the person first.
Date. Have fun. Spend weekends together. Meet each other’s friends and families. Travel if that’s something you both enjoy. Experience ordinary life together and see how naturally you fit into each other’s worlds.
Your next relationship doesn’t have to look like your last one. You may eventually share a home, marry while maintaining two homes, spend part of the week together and part apart—or meet someone who completely changes what you thought you wanted.
Give the relationship a chance to develop before deciding what it has to become.
LAT isn’t the point. Being open is.
Living Apart Together isn’t right for everyone. Some people genuinely want marriage and a shared home. They want to wake up together every morning, combine households and build one daily life.
Neither arrangement is better or more committed. What matters is whether both people want the same thing—or can create something that works for both of them.
The mistake is deciding exactly what a relationship must look like before you’ve even met the person you’re going to have it with.
Relationships after 50 don’t have to follow the roadmap you were given when you were younger. Commitment doesn’t necessarily require giving up your home, your routines or your independence. It does require honesty, flexibility and a willingness to consider what could work for both of you.
Sue’s Straight Talk: Bottom line
Get to know the person before you predict the ending.
On a first date, you don’t need to decide whether you would marry them, live with them or sell your house.
You only need to decide whether you want a second date.
The rest can come later.
Ready to approach dating with a more open mind?
Finding love after 50 isn’t about recreating your last relationship or forcing your life into someone else’s idea of what commitment should look like.
It’s about meeting the right person, giving the connection a genuine chance and creating a relationship that works for both of you.
At Divine Intervention Matchmaking, we help accomplished singles meet compatible people through personalized matchmaking and practical dating coaching. We look beyond a checklist to consider mutual fit, lifestyle, values and the potential for a meaningful relationship.
If you’re ready to meet someone—and open to discovering what the right relationship could look like—we’d be happy to explore whether we’re the right fit.
