The following story was originally published in BC Hydro’s Connected newsletter, and is being republished with their permission. Thanks to BC Hydro for reaching out to us for romance and dating advice.

Thought and creativity are key, says B.C. executive matchmaker

It’s a crazy time for couples, and also for singles looking for love. We’re either supposed to be observing social distance rules under COVID-19 pandemic guidelines, or we’re too close, too much of the time.

“If you’re living with someone, you’re probably home more than usual, and that makes for a lot more intensity,” says Susan Semeniw, who helps singles and couples with advice as the head of Vancouver-based Divine Intervention executive matchmaking service. “Whatever issues you may already have around your relationship, they’re just going to be heightened and exacerbated.”

Meanwhile, singles are either breaking the rules by hanging out in bars in search of love, or trying to make dating work by phone or Zoom. “What I’m hearing from women who are dating,” says Semeniw, “is that most guys don’t know how to social distance, especially if there’s a drink involved. So if you’re going to see someone in person, just make sure that you discuss rules first.”

Heading into Valentine’s Day, here’s a grab bag of advice from Semeniw – plus some creative “date night” ideas – for either starting or rekindling romance.

Valentine’s Day is overblown… but get it right

Semeniw stresses that Valentine’s Day is just one day a year, and while it can be important to women in particular, it shouldn’t be seen as the barometer of a relationship’s health.

“It’s like a marriage versus a wedding,” she says. “It’s more important to acknowledge a person on a regular basis and really put some thought into your time with them. So while you can make Valentine’s Day special, you don’t have to spend a lot of money.”

Women still love to receive cards, says Semeniw, especially when they’re meaningful. She says a card with something thoughtful like “20 reasons why I love you” tend to carry the biggest impact. Valentine’s Day can also be a good time to offer an apology. “If you’ve been a bit of a cow during COVID, because you’ve been more stressed, you’re not alone,” she says. “Acknowledge that you haven’t been at your best.”

To spice up Valentine’s Day, consider some of these ideas (plus the list of specific “date night” ideas at the end of this story):

• A photo collage or digital slide show that take the two of you down memory lane.
• Takeout dinner from one of your favourite local restaurants.
• Re-create a memorable date or favourite meal, while sticking to COVID restrictions.
• At-home spa experience, complete with bubble bath/salts, scented candles, a favourite magazine or two, a bath pillow and/or a pre-packaged facial mask. Extra points for running the bath when your partner is 15 minutes from home, and turning the lights down low for a grand entrance.
• An evening of travel planning, for a long-awaited getaway once COVID travel restrictions are relaxed
• Sharing a dinner and/or a movie with another couple, via Zoom or Netflix Party.

Dating? Rediscover the art of good phone

As part of Semeniw’s executive matchmaking, she spends time helping men and women prepare for their first date. And she recommends that the first virtual meeting shouldn’t be via Zoom, but on the phone, for a short and predetermined amount of time (with an option to extend if things are going well).

“I always recommend to have a phone call first,” she says. “Make it relatively short, and always leave them wanting more. Later on, go ahead and move to Zoom if you’re comfortable, and be mindful of how you look. It’s a visual medium, so wear colours that work, take care with lighting, and smile.”

Semeniw is also big on walks, hiking, or snowshoeing, which can all be done within social distancing guidelines and which all provide ample opportunity to talk.

“For the most part people are taking more time to get to know someone,” she says. “At the end of the day, chemistry does happen in person but you can really create a connection and bond with someone on the phone, too.”

One couple that recently got together through Semeniw’s matchmaking service, a man from Calgary and a woman in Vancouver, were initially resistant to spending much time on the phone. But after a short first call went well, they found themselves engaging regularly in four-hour calls in the early months of the pandemic. They’ve since spent lots of time together in person, and are considering getting a place together… and perhaps even marriage.

As a relationship progresses, Semeniw recommends opting for phone calls over texts or emails. The lost art of a good phone call is on the rebound in COVID, and it reduces the chance of being misunderstood.

5 ideas for making that date, or date night, special

Remember the fun things you used to be able to do to share an evening with a date or your partner? Now think of how you might replicate that experience from the safety of your home, or at a safe distance, during this time of COVID-19 restrictions.

Just in time for Valentine’s Day, here are some ideas to get you going as you explore dating or “night out” options.

1. Cook up a night to remember

Whether you’re on an online date or at home with your partner, cooking together can be a fun way to break the routine. You can tackle a new recipe you’ve found, join an online cooking class, or cook together at an in-person (but distanced) cooking class. Vancouver’s Dirty Apron, for example, has a variety of classes Tuesdays through Saturdays with reduced numbers in their kitchen. Dirty Apron’s February 12 Ocean Inspired Couples’ Class, for example, features a menu of warm lobster and sturgeon caviar salad, salt crusted whole sea bream, and lemon basil crepes.

Did you know? Small appliances such as toaster ovens, Instant Pots, and air fryers can use up to 75% less electricity than using the oven or stovetop for the same recipe. Check out some great recipes at powersmart.ca.

2. Order in

Help keep your favourite restaurant afloat with takeout or food delivery. If you’re on a distanced date, consider ordering from the same place then sharing your meal and impressions of the food via Zoom.

Did you know? A December survey by Restaurants Canada found that 48% of small and medium-sized independent restaurants in Canada were facing the danger of permanent closure.

3. Virtual travel

Take a stroll down memory lane with a partner by viewing a digital slideshow from a past trip or revisiting a favourite location via one of several virtual travel sites online. Consider recreating a memorable meal you had on a trip. And if you’re just getting to know someone, why not take them on a guided virtual tour or embark on a destination totally new to both of you. Some virtual travel sites charge a fee, while many are free, including 360cities.net, and globotreks.com.

Here are a few specific virtual tours available online:

• Louvre courtyard with tourists at night (360-degree video)
• Cappadocia, Turkey virtual tour (YouTube video)
• Top 10 places to visit in Greece (YouTube)

Did you know? While there’s nothing like actually travelling to a place, the carbon costs of international travel – especially by air – are enormous. Flight-related CO2 emissions for a family of three flying round trip from Vancouver to France is 7.74 tonnes. That’s the equivalent of driving an SUV from Vancouver to Yoho National Park in the Rockies (and back) 10 times. One solution: once travel restrictions are lifted, consider travel in Canada, and try to take fewer international flights, for longer vacation durations, rather than flying somewhere each year.

4. Night at the museum

Google Arts & Culture is a treasure chest of visual experiences that include visits to many of the world’s top museums, including the Musée D’Orsay in Paris, the Museum of Modern Art in New York, and the Rijksmuseum in Amsterdam. For maximum visual impact, find the tours via a browser on your smart TV or plug your TV into a laptop.

Did you know? A 2020 46-inch ENERGY STAR® Smart TV uses about a fifth of the electricity of a 2010 42-inch plasma TV.

5. Attend a virtual concert

You can catch the energy of a live concert by searching YouTube for live concert footage – sometimes for a whole concert – on YouTube. Or for generally better sound quality, opt for in-studio segments or fantastic NPR Tinydesk performances that have featured the likes of Dua Lipa, Michael Kiwanuka, Ty Dolla $ign, Billie Eilish, and John Legend. If you’re more into the alternative scene, Seattle’s kexp.org has a great archive of in-studio sessions.

Did you know? Musicians have lost revenue from doing live shows, and in many cases, it’s their biggest revenue stream. If you want to support a musician, consider buying band merchandise or music from their official site and/or purchasing their music from the likes of bandcamp.com.

There is no denying that our world is changing on a daily basis and this is new and unchartered territory for humanity. We will all be affected differently in the weeks and months ahead. We are however, all in this together.

Humans are hard wired to crave social, meaningful relationships with others and to find love. This “loveconnection” is top of mind more so than ever. Relationships give us strength and help us stay positive.

Here is our commitment to you to help you through these changing times.

• We are available to offer you help, guidance and assistance with your love life.
• We’ll talk, Facetime, zoom, email and text and be a sounding boarding, love coach, matchmaker for you as needed.
• We continue to work with our clients and database community at facilitating meaningful connections in a safe and responsible manner in accordance with health guidelines.
• We will be flexible as to timing and everyone’s comfort level with dating. We will adapt and customize our packages accordingly.

What does this mean for dating and meeting people?

We are encouraging phone calls to get to know someone and build rapport after someone has been pre-qualified for you. We will offer you tips on how to give “good phone.”

• http://36questionsinlove.com/  is a great guideline on getting to know someone.
• For others that are comfortable with technology we recommend facetime or video calls. We will offer tips on how to present your best foot forward.
• If both parties are willing participants, for now we are coordinating safe “social distancing” dates outside with walks.

Know that you’re not alone, that others are going through this alongside you. Regardless of how you’re affected, we are here to help, listen and adapt with you. 

#InThisTogether #Strength #Love #HumanConnection #Support

Below are some additional coping mechanisms that may also help:

• Avoid watching, reading or listening to news that causes you to feel anxious. Check for updates at specific times during the days opposed to all day long. Make sure that your information sources are credible.
• Have a support group that you check in with regularly that you can share how you’re feeling with no judgement. This can be one person or a group of friends or family members.
• Maintain familiar and healthy routines as much as possible. Exercise regularly (outside by yourself or online), keep regular sleep routines and eat healthy food.
• Practice daily gratitude. Write down or say out loud at least one thing you are grateful for everyday.
• Consider meditation to relax. Two good apps that come to mind are: CALM and WAKING UP.
• Make it a goal to learn something new that you’ve been putting off  that you’re interested in. Some ideas are learning a new language, becoming a better cook, artist, etc. Sign up for a class that can improve your personal or business growth.
• Subscribe to a site or newsletter that delivers a daily dose of positivity.

Sending strength and love.

Susan Semeniw

President, Divine Intervention Matchmaking

Click “Get Started Now” on this website to arrange a convenient talk time to see how we can best help you.

The Paradox of Choice – Why MORE may be resulting in LESS  

Barry Schwartz, a U.S. psychologist, powerfully sums up the challenges faced when choosing a romantic partner in today’s world. Schwartz’s 2004 novel outlines that people often assume, more choices gives you more opportunity. This idea is flawed — especially in the world of dating. Schwartz suggests we should opt for being Satisficers making “good enough” choices which will lead to happier lives, as opposed to being Maximizers who need to exhaust all choices before making a decision. Maximizers are usually left feeling doubtful about their choice even after having made one.

Paralysis: One Of the Core Concepts of the Paradox Choice

As matchmakers at Divine Intervention, our job is to reverse the paralysis current and prospective clients experience during the matchmaking and dating process.

The selection of CHOICE can often lead a person into feeling indecisive and paralyzed. A person may feel overwhelmed on whether to go exclusive with someone, or continue exploring their options. Dating online has opened the doors for thousands of people within close proximity to be matched. This huge selection of choice however makes it difficult for people to STOP dating around,  in fear they might miss out on meeting the right person.

Classic example of The Paradox of Choice is when our team does date feedback follow up to see how our client enjoyed the date we set them up on:

“I really loved meeting John, he is just about everything I am looking for; however, I would still like to continue to meet your next match for me.”

This demonstrates symptoms of a Maximizer –

Although satisfied, she does not want to make a firm decision to stop meeting other people. She is solely hanging on to the idea that there are other bachelor(s) out there to be met, and will move onto the next in hopes that next match may be just be “The Perfect Match”

Perfection doesn’t exist however –  Maximizers believe that if there are so many choices out there, then they need not to settle for anything but perfection. This process is exhausting and disappointment is likely to arise.

3 ways Divine Intervention is trying to reverse the Paradox of Choice for our clients:

• Providing a select amount of introductions of higher quality to our clients;
• Providing varied lengths of membership, for time to get to know their matches without the burnout and without feeling the need to dismiss and move onto the next match quickly;
• Guiding clients out of the Maximizer mentality by educating them on their patterns and deciding collectively to make a shift in thinking towards “less is more” when it comes to dating and that it’s not always just a “numbers game”

 
Tired, confused and feeling like you’re just a number? Email info@divinematchmaking.com and find out how we help you do dating differently.
 
Want to know more on The Paradox of Choice? Check out Barry Schwartz’s Ted Talk here

I would be lying if I said I met a single person who’s never used a dating site or app. It’s 2018 and technology is completely running our lives – and that includes our dating.

Here are 10 single-people problems and how matchmaking substantially helps you land the person you deserve.

1. You don’t have to worry about coordinating your dates

Between texting back and forth to a dating app match, and then actually coordinating a date (between the dates he or she is already going on), matchmakers are scheduling masterminds. No more tracking people down, getting their availability and then rescheduling only to actually flake on the date. With matchmaking, the team simply gets a few available slots to meet and send you an email confirmation. And we don’t like flakes nor do we tolerate them in this business. Any rescheduling is done through us to alleviate any of the stress that comes with that.

1. Matchmakers save you time

Your love life is important and deserves special attention.

Online can be a full-time job. Using a matchmaker cuts the hard work and energy of sifting through profiles during your spare time and making sure the people are real with good intentions.

We get the answers and information about someone that will take you much longer to find out.
Matchmakers do the leg work for you. We pre-screen people in-depth, ask a lot of questions on likes/dislikes, activities, background and assess compatibility and lifestyle.

We meet your prospects face-to-face, read energy and see beyond a one-way picture. And check if someone is true to their photo. We want to make sure that what you see is what you get. We see potential where you may be too quick too dismiss.
All you have to do is “DRESS UP & SHOW UP”

2. Confidentiality

If you value your privacy and discretion, or are a high-profile person dating in Vancouver, you may not feel as comfortable using online platforms and showcasing your personal life.

Matchmakers actively scout everywhere on your behalf. We pre-qualify on your behalf for two-way compatibility. We can approach and assess love potential without someone knowing who you are. And we can often get you an introduction that you can’t do on your own.

3. Honest Feedback

Date feedback, first impressions and presentation are essential.

Often there is a simple miscommunication between two individuals after a date. One person felt things were great, the other felt it went well however has a few concerns which they will happily share with us.

We create a safety net for you to be open and honest in your feedback. We’ve navigated many situations where a simple miscommunication would have caused the two individuals to never meet again, however with our inside knowledge from both parties… It’s a simple fix and magic happens.

People can reveal too much, repeat the same mistakes and patterns over and over again. We are here to break your cycle and have you open up to new opportunities.

We help you get out of your own way and ensure that you present your best foot forward.

4. We are experts in Dating and Relationships

In life we work better as a team and with an expert. Things get done quicker, better and more effectively. You go to a hair dresser to get your haircut, you find a dentist to fix your teeth, you go to an accountant for your finances and a personal trainer to up your physical game.

Matchmaking is an Art and Science. A professional Matchmaker can often see opportunities and potential where you do not and have access to high calibre men and women looking for a long-term relationship. Our job is to know people and see potential. We have an eye for chemistry.