What Single Equal-Seekers Really Want for Christmas (Hint: It’s Not Another Gadget)

You’ve built a good life. A home you’re proud of. A career or business you’ve poured yourself into. The freedom to buy yourself almost anything you want.
And yet, as December rolls around, there’s a quiet truth under the surface:
You don’t actually want another gadget, bottle of wine, or luxury item.
You want someone to share your real life with.
If you’re a single, commitment-minded person who wants a true equal—not just anyone—read on, because this is for you.
1. When “Stuff” Stops Feeling Like Enough
 
For a while, material milestones do feel meaningful:
  • The first big paycheque
  • The upgraded home
  • The holidays where you can finally give generous gifts
But over time, you may notice a pattern:
  • The packages arrive.
  • The novelty fades.
  • The quiet, “Is this it?” feeling sticks around.
It’s not that you’re ungrateful. You know how hard you’ve worked. You’re genuinely thankful for what you have.
It’s just that the ache you feel at Christmas isn’t about lack of things.
You’re not missing material “things.”
You’re missing:
  • Being truly known
  • Feeling emotionally safe
  • Being able to exhale next to someone who gets you
  • Planning a life with a partner who’s genuinely on your level
That’s not superficial. That’s human.
2. Equal-Seekers Aren’t “Too Picky”—They’re Honest
 
If you’re someone who wants an equal, you’ve probably heard:
“Your standards are too high.”
“You’re too picky.”
“There’s no such thing as the ‘perfect’ partner.”
But equal-seekers aren’t asking for perfection. They’re asking for partnership.
When you say you want an “equal,” you usually mean:
  • Mutual respect – for each other’s time, energy, and ambitions
  • Emotional maturity – able to communicate, self-reflect, and repair after conflict
  • Shared values – similar views on commitment, family, money, lifestyle
  • Reciprocity – you’re not always the one doing the emotional and logistical heavy lifting
You don’t want to be put on a pedestal or to carry another adult like a project. 
You want someone who can stand beside you. 
That’s not being picky. That’s being honest about the life you’ve worked hard to build—and who realistically fits into it.
3. The Gifts Equal-Seekers Actually Want
 
If you stripped away all the wrapping paper, most equal-seekers are quietly wishing for three things.
 
1) Emotional Safety
  • Being able to say what you really think or feel without bracing for criticism or shutdown
  • Knowing that disagreements don’t mean the end of the relationship
  • Trusting that if you share something vulnerable, it won’t be weaponized later
When you’re used to being strong and “on,” emotional safety is the place where you finally get to exhale.
 
2) True Partnership
 
Equal partnership isn’t about splitting everything 50/50 on a spreadsheet. It’s about:
  • Making decisions together
  • Carrying responsibilities as a team
  • Both people investing in the relationship
Around the holidays, that might look like:
  • Figuring out how to divide time between families in a way that feels fair
  • Sharing the mental load of planning and logistics
  • Making sure both of your needs and traditions are considered
You’re not asking for someone to take over your life. You want someone to build a life with.
 
3) Shared Life, Not Just Shared Photos
 
It’s easy to curate a beautiful feed: trips, dinners, matching outfits.
But what most equal-seekers want goes deeper:
  • Having someone to come home to after the work events are over
  • Sharing the small routines—coffee, walks, Sunday errands
  • Making plans for next year as a “we,” not just an “I”
The gift isn’t just having company. It’s having a life that feels more grounded, meaningful, and rich because you’re living it together.
4. Why It Feels So Tender at Christmas
 
Christmas amplifies whatever is already there.
If you’re content, you might feel more content.
If you’re grieving, the grief might feel sharper.
If you’re single and ready for partnership, that desire can feel very loud.
You see:
  • Coupled photos on social media
  • Families gathered around trees and tables
  • Engagement announcements and “our first Christmas together” posts
Meanwhile, you’re the one:
  • Driving home from events alone
  • Watching people pair off at parties
  • Fielding questions like, “So… are you seeing anyone?”
It’s very possible to feel deeply grateful for your life and honestly admit:
“I wish I had someone to share this with.”
Both can be true.
That’s not failure. It’s just clarity.
5. A Different Kind of Christmas Gift to Yourself
 
You can’t put emotional safety or equal partnership in a shopping cart.
But you can give yourself a different kind of gift this year—one that shifts how you approach this part of your life.
1) Permission to Want Real Partnership
First, allow yourself to fully want what you actually want.
Not “something casual.”
Not “whatever happens.”
Not “maybe next year.”
But:
“I’m ready for a real, equal, committed partnership.”
There’s nothing unreasonable about wanting that.
2) A Decision to Stop Doing Love on Autopilot
Next, decide to stop repeating old patterns on autopilot:
  • Swiping endlessly without intention
  • Staying in half-hearted situationships
  • Saying yes to dates out of guilt or pressure, not genuine interest
This isn’t about shutting down opportunity. It’s about clearing space for better ones.
 
3) An Intentional Path Forward
 
Finally, consider what a more intentional path might look like:
  • Having honest conversations with yourself about past patterns
  • Being clearer with others about what you’re actually looking for
  • Seeking support instead of doing it alone

For some, that support might be therapy, coaching, or a trusted friend.

For others, it’s working with a professional matchmaking service that:

  • Pre-screens for relationship readiness
  • Introduces you to people who share your values and life stage
  • Respects your time, privacy, and standards
It’s not about being “too busy” to find love. It’s about choosing a process that matches the level of thoughtfulness you bring to every other important area of your life.
6. The Real Wish Behind the Wishlist
 
When you look beneath the surface, many single equal-seekers have a Christmas wish that sounds something like:
  • “I want to feel safe with someone.”
  • “I want a partner who respects my mind, time, and heart.”
  • “I want to share my actual life with someone, not just a highlight reel.”
There’s no gadget that can deliver that.
But you can start moving toward it—by being honest with yourself, changing the patterns that aren’t serving you, and allowing support from people who understand what you’re looking for.
If this resonates with you…
If you see yourself in these words, you’re not alone—and you’re not asking for too much.
At Divine Intervention Matchmaking, we help commitment-minded singles across Vancouver, Calgary, Edmonton, Toronto and beyond meet genuine, emotionally ready partners who are looking for the same thing: a real, equal, long-term relationship.
If you’re ready to treat your love life with the same intention you bring to everything else, we’d be happy to talk.
👉 Book a confidential consultation to explore whether our curated, human-led matchmaking is a fit for you and the kind of partnership you’re ready for.
Because the real gift you’re craving this Christmas isn’t another item under the tree.
It’s the possibility of a relationship that finally feels like home.

Why High-Performing Singles Feel the Loneliest during the Holidays — And What To Do Before the New Year

There’s something about the holiday season that brings everything into sharper focus. The lights, the dinners, the celebration — it all looks beautiful on the outside. But for many high-achieving men and women, the season has a way of highlighting a truth they don’t often pause long enough to feel:

Success feels different when you don’t have someone meaningful to share it with.

You can be surrounded by admiration at a holiday event and still feel a quiet hollowness the moment you walk back to your car alone.
 
For some high performers, that hollow feeling is especially confusing because, from the outside, it looks like you could “have a date anytime.” Friends assume you’re doing just fine. You know the real issue isn’t getting dates — it’s having a partner you’re genuinely excited about and deeply aligned with.
It’s not dramatic — it’s an honest moment of awareness. And for people who have built remarkable lives, that awareness can hit harder than expected.
 

 

 

🎁 The Hidden Weight High Performers Carry in December

High performing men and women like you are used to leading, achieving, and operating at a level that demands discipline. You’re rarely without answers — except in this one area.

During the year, the pace of your life keeps you moving forward. But in December, everything slows down just long enough for the thoughts you avoid to catch up.
 
You start noticing things you usually brush aside:
 
  • The empty space beside you at a dinner party
  • Friends celebrating milestones with their partners
  • Families gathering with an ease you quietly envy
  • The way your home feels in the quiet evenings after the festivities
You don’t fall apart — that’s not who you are. But you do feel something. And that something is important.
 
 

🎄 Why This Season Brings Everything to the Surface

1. It’s your natural reflection point.
 
High achievers are wired to assess results at year’s end. You’re already evaluating your goals, strategy, and direction — which makes emotional clarity almost unavoidable. When you look honestly, it becomes very obvious where life is full… and where it isn’t.
 
2. You experience “togetherness” repeatedly — from the outside.
 
Holiday gatherings are beautiful, yes, but they’re also mirrors. They reflect the one area of life you haven’t prioritized yet, or haven’t quite been able to get right — a relationship where attraction, respect, and long-term compatibility actually coexist.
 
3. Casual dating doesn’t fit you anymore.
 
You’re not interested in endless swiping or surface-level conversations. You want depth, intelligence, and compatibility — without wasting time.
You’ve already proven you can date. The problem isn’t meeting people; it’s meeting the right person. You’re not looking for more first dates — you’re looking for the last first date with the right partner.
 
4. You’re used to fixing problems. This one requires courage, not control.
 
And courage, in the context of your personal life, shows up differently:
 
  • It’s willingness, not force.
  • It’s allowing support, not pushing harder.
  • It’s admitting that love doesn’t respond to the same strategies you use at work — and letting that be okay.
 
 

✨ The Honest Truth: If You Could Have Solved This Alone, You Already Would Have

This isn’t about weakness. It’s about alignment.
 
You’re exceptional at navigating complex decisions — business, financial, personal. You don’t wait around for important outcomes to magically appear. You make them happen. But love doesn’t follow the same rules. It needs intention, not intensity. Clarity, not perfection. A thoughtful approach, not brute efficiency. And recognizing that isn’t failure — it’s maturity.
 
For many high-performing singles (men and women), the bravest move isn’t pushing harder on dating apps or forcing yourself into situations that don’t feel like you. It’s admitting:
 
“I’m ready for a different approach — one that actually reflects who I am and what I want.”
 
 

🎁 So What Should You Do Before the New Year?

1. Acknowledge that this matters.
 
Not in a dramatic way — just in a true way. Connection isn’t a luxury. It’s a cornerstone of a fulfilling life. You’re allowed to want a partner you’re genuinely attracted to, proud of, and aligned with — without apologizing for your standards.
 
2. Don’t push the decision into January.
 
That’s what most people do. The ones who actually get into aligned relationships start early. They don’t wait for an imaginary “better time.” They decide that this year, their personal life deserves the same level of intention as their professional life.
 
3. Choose a path aligned with your values.
 
If you want depth, alignment, and intention, you can’t rely on chaotic platforms designed for volume.
Curated matchmaking matches the way you operate: clear, purposeful, meaningful — and selective.
The right process isn’t about flooding you with options. It’s about introducing you to fewer, better, high-calibre matches who are emotionally ready for a long-term relationship and genuinely compatible with you in values, lifestyle, and vision.
 
4. Allow yourself support.
 
Let someone who understands you and your goals help you find the partner that fits your life — not just your schedule. For some, that looks like coaching to break old patterns. For others, it’s discreet, handpicked introductions to equally driven, emotionally available men and women who want what you want: a real, lasting partnership.
 
Allowing support doesn’t make you less capable. It simply means you’re willing to approach love with the same intelligence you bring to every other important area of your life.
 
 

❤️ A Better Next Year Starts With One Intentional Step

You’ve built a life filled with competence, accomplishment, and respect. Now it’s time to build the part that truly brings those achievements to life: the relationship that makes coming home feel like exhaling. This season doesn’t have to be a reminder of what’s missing. It can be the moment you quietly decide to move toward what you genuinely want — with clarity and purpose.
 
If this resonates and you recognize yourself in these words — whether you’re a man who’s never had trouble getting dates, or a woman who’s tired of being the “strong one” who goes home alone — you don’t have to keep navigating this by yourself.
 
 

⭐ Your Next Step

If you’re ready to make your love life as intentional as the rest of your life:
 
→ Book a confidential consultation with Divine Intervention Matchmaking before the New Year.
We’ll talk about where you are now, what you truly want in a partner, and whether our curated, high-calibre matchmaking and coaching process is the right fit for you.
No pressure. Just an honest, thoughtful conversation about what’s possible for you in the year ahead.

Stop Searching for Perfect: Why Saying “Yes” to Possibility Can Lead You to Real Love

In today’s dating world, it’s easy to get caught up searching for the perfect one. When new clients come to our matchmaking agency, they often have a detailed checklist — from appearance and hobbies to career goals and lifestyle. But the truth is, perfection doesn’t exist.

At our matchmaking firm, we see it time and time again: great potential matches get overlooked because someone’s photo didn’t spark instant attraction or they didn’t meet every box on a list. Yet real chemistry isn’t something you can measure on paper — it’s something you feel in person.

The True Goal of a First Date

A first date isn’t about deciding whether someone is your forever person. It’s about seeing if you’d like to go on a second one.

Instead of focusing on whether they’re “the one,” try asking yourself, “How do I feel when I’m with them?” or “Would I like to learn more about this person?” The goal is to build momentum, not perfection. Genuine connection takes time to unfold.

Say Yes More Often

We always encourage our clients to look for reasons to say yes, not no. Photos and bios are such loose barometers — they only tell part of the story. The real magic happens in person, when you can see someone’s energy, hear their laugh, and feel how comfortable you are together.

These days, people shop for a partner the same way they’d shop for a car — wanting the perfect model with all the bells and whistles. But love isn’t built that way. No one is flawless, and holding out for “perfect” can mean missing out on someone truly wonderful.

Give People a Chance

The daters who find success are the ones who stay open, curious, and willing to give things a try. They build momentum — saying yes to a first coffee, a second dinner, and a third walk in the park. Because the right connection grows over time, not instantly. Allow someone time to show you who they are.

Before you dismiss someone because they don’t fit every detail of your ideal image, give them (and yourself) a real chance. Say yes to meeting up. Yes to exploring. Yes to seeing how you feel.

We’ve seen many couples start with hesitation. Some even said “no” at first, but after a little encouragement to meet, they ended up in committed long-term relationships. People often fall in love with someone they may not have initially pictured.

Because love doesn’t usually arrive in a perfect package. It shows up when you’re open enough to recognize it.

Ready to Find Real Love?

Finding love isn’t about chasing perfection — it’s about giving connection a chance to grow. If you’re tired of endless swiping and are ready to meet someone genuine, our professional matchmakers can help.

At Divine Intervention Matchmaking, we introduce successful, commitment-minded singles across Vancouver, Toronto, Calgary, Edmonton, and beyond who are serious about finding meaningful relationships.

Take the first step today — your person might be closer than you think!

 ➡️ Book a Complimentary Matchmaking Consultation
 ➡️ Learn How Our Dating Coaches Can Help You Succeed

Fall Into Love: 5 Reasons Why Autumn is the Perfect Season to Refresh Your Dating Life

As the leaves turn vibrant shades and the air becomes crisp, autumn signals a fresh start and what better time to revitalize your love life? Fall is more than just sweater weather and falling leaves; it’s also the beginning of cuffing season, when singles naturally crave deeper, more meaningful connections. If you’re ready to find love, this is the ideal moment to take action.

Whether you’re newly single or have been dating for a while without success, working with a professional matchmaker or dating coach this fall can give your search for love a serious advantage. Here’s why matchmaking in the fall works and how to make the most of it.

 

  1. 🍁Fall is the Season of New Beginnings –  Even in Dating

Much like the New Year, fall marks a shift into structure, routine, and renewed focus. Kids head back to school, work kicks into high gear, and people become more intentional, including in their relationships.

This is a great time to embrace new beginnings and refresh your dating profile, update your photos, reassess your relationship goals, and commit to getting out to a few singles or general networking events in your city. Fall brings a surge of in-person events and social opportunities in cities like Vancouver, Calgary, Edmonton, or Toronto. Nothing beats the magic of meeting someone face-to-face in a cozy, real-life setting.

 

  1. 🙏Practice Gratitude in Dating to Attract the Right Relationship

Fall is also about reflection and gratitude, especially around Thanksgiving. It’s easy to get caught in the cycle of swiping and disappointment, but a shift in mindset can change your results.

Take a moment to appreciate what you bring to the table. A positive, grateful outlook makes you more attractive and more open to the right connection. Many of our matchmaking clients find that when they focus on self-worth, dating becomes more fulfilling and less frustrating.

 

  1. 🍷Plan Cozy, Seasonal Dates That Spark Connection

Say goodbye to awkward coffee meetups. Fall offers endless date ideas that are both romantic and conversation-friendly:

  • Enjoy fall colours in Stanley Park, High Park, or along the Bow River
  • Visit a local pumpkin patch or go apple picking
  • Attend a cozy wine or coffee tasting
  • Cook a fall-inspired dish together, like roasted squash soup or a homemade pumpkin pie

As a matchmaking agency, we often suggest experiential dates that naturally build emotional connection and shared memories, which can be more powerful than dinner.

 

  1. Build Consistency and Momentum Into Your Love Life

Fall’s built-in structure makes it easier to stay consistent and build momentum in your dating journey. Set realistic goals: message two new people a week, attend one singles event per month, or commit to one coffee date outside your usual type.

Hiring a dating coach can help you stay accountable, refine your strategy, and focus on progress over perfection. The goal isn’t to date more; it’s to date smarter. Remember that first dates aren’t about forever — just about getting to date number two.

 

  1. ❤️Stay Open

Cuffing season can come with pressure to settle down fast, but rushing into a relationship rarely leads to lasting love. Instead, focus on building real-life connections while also staying balanced by investing in your own well-being.

Enjoy cozy solo time, self-care, and time with friends. The more grounded and confident you feel, the more likely you are to attract the kind of partner who truly complements you.

 Ready to Find Love This Fall?

Fall is all about fresh starts, gratitude, and meaningful connections. It’s the perfect time to put yourself out there and refresh your approach to dating. By staying open, consistent, and confident, you’ll give yourself the best chance of finding someone special before the holidays arrive.

If you’re serious about finding a committed relationship, working with a professional matchmaking service could be the game-changer you need.

At Divine Intervention Matchmaking, we help singles in Vancouver, across BC, Calgary, Edmonton and Toronto find compatible, long-term partners through personalized introductions and expert coaching.

 

Don’t wait for love to find you — take the first step today.

➡️ Book a free matchmaking Discovery Call now

➡️ Discover how our dating coaches can help you succeed

5 Matchmakers on What Materialists gets right and wrong about the job **Spoilers

This article contains spoilers

Since its release on June 13, there’s already been plenty of discussion as to whether Materialists is more of a romantic comedy or a state of the nation on modern dating. There have also been questions around how well it captures its protagonist’s profession of matchmaking. Well, who better to ask about love, dating, and matchmaking than matchmakers themselves? The age-old tradition is alive and well in New York City. We’ve assembled a crew of five matchmakers—helping singles find the kind of love romantic comedies have made us believe in—to weigh in on how well filmmaker Celine Song’s new movie has captured their jobs.

TIME: Do you think Lucy is a good matchmaker? Why or why not?

Samantha Daniels: When I started, I was essentially Lucy. I was trying to find love for myself while being paid to find love for others—Matchbook, my book, takes place in that period of my life. But it can be hard when you’re navigating your own love life as you’re trying to help other people find love. She starts off well, but as the movie goes on, she becomes burned out, and that takes away from her effectiveness. 

Liana Bell: There’s no denying that she seemed to be able to deliver what the client wanted, but maybe not always what they needed. I think Lucy is great at the mathematical component, but it’s not purely mathematical, as she discovers. The bigger component is a creative one, nurtured through intuition as opposed to stats. As Lucy evolved through her lived experience, she began to discover that the checking-boxes approach did not work. Just as the caveman in the movie reinforces, love is easy when it’s kept simple, but it seems we’ve turned it into this complex list of requirements.

Bonnie Winston: I do think she’s a good matchmaker because she acts as a vessel of hope. Her clients come searching for love, and whether they believe it or not, she believes it. Whatever you do in life, if you have someone who believes in you, it can shift your entire perception. 

Erin Butler: She’s invested emotionally in her clients. She has heart and she’s vigilant for them. Those are things that matter. However, Lucy says that it’s a smart investment to make big physical changes like that invasive surgery to increase your height. I think that shows a poor side of her matchmaking. I think a lot of what makes matchmaking good is hard work and emotional intelligence.

Maria Avgitidis: No, and the fact that she gets offered a promotion is insane to me. She does things I’d never do or allow my employees to do. First is fraternizing [with clients]. The second is how she takes notes on a match. When I saw the notes she took on the man who assaults his date, I was like, fire her! She has about three sentences, and two of them were quantitative answers, like age and income. We write essays on every potential client because we have to present this metric to make a case for each match. I will never set up a match with a client if that match is not absolutely enthusiastic. Then she stalks the match! Your lawyers would tell you, fire this employee and press charges.

Lucy mentions that burnout is common for matchmakers—what is it about the job that’s so draining?

Butler:  It’s a very Hollywood presentation of burnout: OK, you’re burnt out. Go have a four-week vacation. I don’t know if I would call it burnout, but there is no other job quite like this one. You’re dealing with a person’s biggest hopes and dreams, biggest fears. It can be very hard when all that hard work comes crashing down. Or you can’t get past certain hurdles. You don’t have much control. You can’t control how people behave. 

Winston: Burnout for me doesn’t exist because I have a staff that does other things. For instance, we have a Director of Client Relations, so she will curate our clients’ dates. I love what I do. I was born to do this. I loved it when I didn’t get paid, and I love it now. I made my first match at 16 years old. I have clergy-like hours; my clients know they can call me seven days a week at any time. I act as a coach, mom, sister, and matchmaker.

Daniels: I’ve been in business for over 20 years, and when I first started, I spoke to various matchmakers who are no longer in the business. They said, you have to be careful. People are investing in you and putting all their hopes and dreams in you. So it feels like a lot of pressure. You have to make sure that everything you do is professional, but the relationship that you have with your clients needs to feel personal. They need to feel like you’re their best friend and their confidant. It’s a lot to handle.

Bell: Burnout is one of the biggest downfalls in the industry. The turnover rates are extremely high. For some people to be managing this many clients and doing this many tasks, it does create an actual burnout.

How much vetting is there with matches? It’s impossible, like Lucy’s boss suggests after her client is assaulted, to know how people will act in an intimate setting. 

Bell: We are functioning in the realm of dating, which has an element of the unknown. So while we clearly vet and do a basic background check, interview them, and get a feel for what they’re like, as the movie correctly portrayed, you still don’t know what they’ll be like on a date. What happened in the movie is plausible, sadly, but I haven’t encountered that in my 10 years.

Butler: There are steps in terms of cross-checks and identity verification. We use “blind vetting,” meaning that we get an understanding of someone’s wants/needs/background before we ever present a client to them. While there are markers of character and red flags we use to weed people out, we want clients to follow personal safety measures across the board, because no one can control for behavior in an intimate setting.

Winston: Nothing like that incident has ever [happened] for us. We don’t pretend to be detectives, but we run basic background checks. And everybody should do this, whether they’re meeting somebody online or through a matchmaker. You have to be safe. And the easiest way is to Google someone’s first and last name and write “plaintiff” to see if they’re being sued by anybody. 

Avgitidis: We run background checks and really get to know our clients. Lucy’s boss says assault is something that just happens in our industry. I’ve been a matchmaker for nearly 20 years. I’m surrounded by a great, professional network of matchmakers. I don’t know anyone who’s had that experience. 

Daniels: That’s a big part of the service, to vet the matches. It’s also getting to know the person and making sure that their value system is in place. You know that they’re honest, there’s no bad press about them. If we come across something negative, whether it’s a reputation or a gut feel thing, I’m not going to send my client up with that person.

Lucy talks a lot about what makes a good match, particularly similar family backgrounds, economic status, etc. Does money play a large role in finding the right match? 

Avgitidis: In my book (Ask A Matchmaker), I talk about the five pillars of compatibility. One is financial compatibility. The others are physical, spiritual, intellectual, and emotional. There’s a formula to financial compatibility, and that is how you value the way you spend your time, plus how you value the way you spend your money, equals lifestyle. I have had clients who are billionaires, who still divorce, despite them both being wealthy, because they do not have the same values.

One time, one of my clients got divorced. I asked her what happened. She’s like, “Well, when we went to Paris, I wanted to take a private jet, but he wanted to fly business class. I wanted to stay at the penthouse in the Ritz-Carlton, and he wanted to stay at a local hostel, to live like a local.” They were so misaligned, despite having all the money.

Daniels: Some people think opposites attract, and I do not agree. I think it’s really important that people have a lot of similarities, and that that comes from all different things: background, upbringing, education, value system. Sometimes money can come into play, but that’s more what people are used to, instead of what truly matters.

Winston: Our clients are high-net-worth individuals. We’re very pricey. They’re used to getting what they want, and they have high demands. But they’re different. Some wealthy women are looking for a great companion, and they don’t need to match incomes because they have the money, so they want somebody who respects them, or they just want good chemistry. 

Men might want younger women to have children with, and they certainly don’t need a woman who matches their billionaire status. That said, I make matches of all different income levels. Every single client has different dating criteria. They’re as different as snowflakes. I have one client who is a sapiosexual. She gets turned on by super smart guys. 

Butler: People do care a lot about money. It’s on everybody’s radar because people care about survival. You could have a successful female client, and they’ve had men who have felt threatened by their success in the past, so they want to correct it. People have reasons why they care about money, and part of our job is to help people correct for that. 

Bell: It’s something that I weigh. Socioeconomic backgrounds play a role. But in my belief, culture plays a much greater role. Everyone in the movie was evaluated purely based on their salaries—the movie is titled Materialists. And while we do ask what their yearly income is, I wouldn’t say it’s the driving force, and especially not with men.

What challenges has the rise of dating apps created for the matchmaking process?

Avgitidis: Online dating apps gave people in relationships permission to not participate in dating. Dating was never meant to be a solo activity. I think about my grandmother, who was a matchmaker in Greece during wartime, famine, civil unrest; she was still matching people. People were coming into her house every day. They were drinking good coffee, and they were gossiping. Gossiping is a form of matchmaking. And you had your friends meddling, your parents. That all gets lost in the dating apps. 

Winston: It’s a boon for me. People are tired of apps. They hate scrolling, texting, and sexting, and then being disappointed with the deception. So they’ve been great for me!

Daniels: 20 years ago, when I started my business, people were more private about working with a matchmaker. It was like, why do you need to work with a matchmaker? Today, everybody’s using a dating app, and then matchmaking is considered like the Rolls-Royce of alternative ways of meeting. It almost makes people look better that they’re not using apps. 

Bell: The novelty of apps is fading. People are inundated with so much screen time that the last thing they want to do is download another app and experience all the ghosting and swiping with diminishing returns. A crucial component that dating apps are missing is picking up on vibe matches. Vibe and energy, in my book, are a crucial part of the process, something an algorithm simply can’t sniff out.

What does Materialists get right about matchmaking?

Winston: What they got right was the unrealistic expectations, especially about age. In the film, there’s an older gentleman who wanted a 27-year-old. I had a guy who’s 72 that wanted children. And I’d say to them, I have this beautiful match who has eggs, and she’s 50. But that was too old! You’re 72, dude—like, what do you want? 

Avgitidis: That part of the beginning of the movie where people are barking numbers at you is insanely accurate. That’s what happens!

Butler: The concern over age is very real. The guy who says 30s are okay, but 39 is actually 40, or the other gentleman who won’t date over 27, and Lucy is just looking at him in disbelief. They do get the over-reliance on metrics right. If I could make anything a blind factor, it would be age. I think age gets people very off track. The movie gets that right.

Bell: The unrealistic expectations. People sometimes come to us looking to Build-a-Bear, but it doesn’t work like that! It captures a lot of the obstacles that matchmakers face in finding the right fit for clients with unrealistic expectations and the emotional impact they can have on the matchmaker. It also portrays some of the deeper connections that you can build with clients. The process should be fun, and the film makes sure to showcase a lot of the levity.

Daniels: It shows how people really want to find love. I think that you see that through Lucy’s own quest to find it herself, and then how people are kind of coming to her, and so frantic about wanting to find somebody. People still care about love, it’s still there and people desperately want it.

What does Materialists get wrong about matchmaking?

Winston: Everybody is a character archetype. If they showed all the normal people, they’d have no movie. In my business, I choose people that are genuinely lovely, and they just want to find love at the end of the day. But that wouldn’t make a very good movie. 

Daniels: It feels like they trivialize it a little bit too much. I think it’s hard to show in a movie, unless it’s like a documentary, exactly how deep the business is and how it’s a full-bodied thing. People think that it’s just this willy-nilly easy thing to do, but it’s not. There’s a science to it. 

Avgitidis: Lucy has no sense of community. She doesn’t have friends! I love matchmaking. It’s all I know how to do. Most of my employees have been matchmakers for over 10 years. And we were excited about this movie because it could be validating, but we were left disappointed. Like, where’s your community? Where is the community building? 

Celine Song worked at Tawkify, which is more of a dating service [with many more clients]. At Agape, we take 15 clients at a time. So, of course, they only talk in numbers, because you don’t have time for conversation! The film loses the human element of matchmaking. In the one scene where the client calls Lucy a pimp, I sunk into my chair and started to cry. For the first time in my nearly 20-year career, I felt embarrassed to be a matchmaker.

Bell: The movie touches on this term that gets flung around a lot in our industry: Unicorn. I think that term is a load of BS. Every single person is awesome and weird in their own way. To me, everybody’s a unicorn. 

Butler: I don’t think height is as much of an issue as they make it in the film, but I think psychologically it probably is for men. Men will always think that their height is going to be an issue, but 80% of the women I talk to want someone who’s kind of, you know, they’re height or taller. I would say closer to only 20% of them really care about height.  

I think they also simplify the money equation. At the end of the day, she’s going to be fine because she’s getting a big promotion, and her guy is going to try harder, but the idea that you’re choosing between a superficial, loveless existence or love with poverty doesn’t ring true.

One of the surprising details in Materialists is a surgery that can add up to 6 inches in height. Do you have any stories about the wild things clients have done to improve their odds? 

Winston: I signed a lovely woman, and she was overweight. We were having issues. Even the men who were overweight themselves and had dad bods only wanted someone slender. She went on Ozempic, and when we had lunch three months later, she was 35 pounds lighter. Then we started getting her matches. It’s a complete game changer in the world of dating.  50 years ago, it was rhinoplasty, 10 years ago it was lip fillers, and now it’s weight loss injectables.

Butler: I’m not really seeing that specifically. I haven’t seen a trend of people running out to get surgery. But social media creates a landscape with endless comparing that can be extremely painful. With the app culture, and swiping culture, people are very image focused.

Avgitidis: I think the biggest way to change your odds is to increase your capacity for empathy. If I notice that a client is very close-minded and conservative, I will also ask them to read two fiction books. And if they do it, their mindset changes. The moment you read fiction, especially if it’s written by a woman, it shows you a different perspective from a character. And you do build the pillars of empathy this way, and it makes you a far more appealing match.

Daniels: I didn’t like the thing about the six inches. I felt like it was kind of making fun of the process. I’d have cut the whole thing. I have seen people go and get surgery done before they start dating. Whether it’s an eye lift or having Botox, I think that it’s just people deciding that they’re going to put the best version of themselves out there.