Posts Tagged ‘matchmaking’

One of the most common things we hear as a matchmaking business —especially from people over 40—is:

“People tell me I look 10 years younger.”

Sometimes it’s 15 years younger.

Occasionally it’s 20.

And to be fair, many people today do look younger and live differently than previous generations.

We have:

• Better healthcare
• Better nutrition
• Better fitness habits
• Better information
• More opportunities to stay active throughout life

Many people in their 50s, 60s, and even 70s are travelling, exercising, working, learning, dating, and living full, vibrant lives.

Most don’t feel their chronological age.

In fact, many people are genuinely surprised by the number attached to their driver’s licence.

The problem isn’t feeling youthful.

The problem starts when people confuse feeling younger with actually being younger—or when they begin making assumptions about people their own age.

The Funny Thing About Aging

The funny thing is that almost everyone thinks they’re the exception.
They think they’re an unusually youthful, active, energetic person for their age.

And maybe they are.

But after twenty years of sitting across from singles, I’ve noticed something:

The vibrant, fit, adventurous 62-year-old often tells me they don’t want someone their age because “people my age seem old.”
Then I meet another vibrant, fit, adventurous 62-year-old who says exactly the same thing.

The energetic 55-year-old thinks they’re different from other 55-year-olds.
The active 48-year-old thinks they’re different from other 48-year-olds.

The truth?

A lot of people feel younger than their age.
A lot.

In fact, if I had a dollar for every person who told me they looked or felt ten years younger, I could probably retire.

The irony is that many of these people are describing themselves using the exact qualities they assume don’t exist in others their age:

• Active
• Fit
• Curious
• Adventurous
• Attractive
• Social
• Energetic
• Relationship-minded

Meanwhile, there are thousands of other people their age quietly thinking the exact same thing.

We Don’t Look Like Our Parents Did

Part of the confusion is understandable.

Many of us grew up thinking 60 looked a certain way.
Then we got there.

And it didn’t.

Today’s 60-year-old often looks very different from a 60-year-old a generation or two ago.

People are staying:

• Active longer
• Working longer
• Travelling longer
• Learning longer
• Dating longer

Many people don’t internally identify with the age they are.

They still feel like themselves.

They still have goals.

They still have dreams.

They still feel excitement, attraction, curiosity, and optimism.

And that’s a wonderful thing.

But it’s worth remembering that many other people your age feel exactly the same way.

The Myth of “People My Age Are Old”

As matchmakers, we often hear:

• “I don’t feel my age.”
• “I relate better to younger people.”
• “People my age seem old.”

Sometimes that’s true for a specific person.
But it’s rarely true for an entire generation.

Age alone doesn’t determine:

• Energy
• Attractiveness
• Curiosity
• Fitness
• Optimism
• Ambition
• Relationship readiness

I’ve met 65-year-olds with more energy than some people in their 40s.
I’ve also met 45-year-olds who seem ready for an early retirement from life.

The number tells you far less than people think.

The Real Compatibility Questions Have Nothing To Do With Age

If you’re looking for a meaningful relationship, there are far more important questions than whether someone is five, ten, or fifteen years younger.

1. Pace Compatibility

Not “can they keep up.”
But can your actual lives fit together?

Pace compatibility includes:

• Work demands
• Travel frequency
• Health habits
• Social schedules
• Family obligations
• Financial priorities
• Energy levels
• Lifestyle preferences

A high-responsibility life has a rhythm.

If you’re managing a business, balancing family commitments, helping aging parents, or planning retirement, those realities matter far more than age alone.

Pace mismatches rarely show up on the first few dates.

They show up later when real life enters the room.

2. Shared Lifestyle and Values

Many people focus heavily on age while overlooking the factors that actually determine long-term success.

Consider questions such as:

• How do you spend your weekends?
• What role does family play in your life?
• How important is health?
• Do you enjoy similar activities?
• Do you share similar views on commitment, money, travel, and relationships?

The strongest relationships are often built on alignment, not novelty.

3. Future Alignment

This is where adults separate fantasy from compatibility.

Questions such as:

• What does the future look like?
• Where do you want to live?
• How do you spend your time?
• What role does family play?
• What does retirement look like?
• How do you handle responsibility and life’s inevitable challenges?

These conversations aren’t “too serious.”

They’re fundamental.

A great relationship isn’t just about enjoying today.

It’s about whether your futures can realistically fit together.

Are You Looking for Compatibility or a Feeling?

Sometimes what people believe is a preference for youth is actually something else.

It may be:

• A desire to feel younger
• A reaction to aging
• Recovery after divorce
• A need for validation
• Fear of the next chapter
• A belief that younger automatically means happier

None of this makes someone a bad person.

But it’s worth asking an honest question:

Are you looking for compatibility, or are you looking for a feeling?

Because those aren’t always the same thing.

The healthiest relationships are usually built between two people who genuinely enjoy each other’s company, respect each other’s lives, and share a similar vision for the future.

Sue’s Straight Talk: Bottom Line

Feel as young as you want.

Stay active.
Take care of yourself.
Keep your curiosity.
Keep learning.
Keep growing.

That’s a gift.

But don’t confuse looking good for your age with being a different age.

And don’t assume people your own age are old, tired, boring, or less vibrant than you are.

Most of them probably think they look ten years younger too.

The goal isn’t to find someone younger.

The goal is to find someone whose:

• Energy
• Lifestyle
• Values
• Character
• Vision for the future

…genuinely align with yours.

Because the happiest couples I see aren’t focused on chasing youth.

They’re focused on building a great life together.

And unlike youth, that actually gets better with age.

Ready for Something Real?

If you’re ready to stop chasing younger, newer, or more exciting on paper—and start looking for the kind of compatibility that actually lasts—we’re here for you.

At Divine Matchmaking, we work with accomplished men and women across Canada who want more than chemistry alone. They want shared values, aligned lifestyles, emotional maturity, and a future that makes sense.

Ready to meet someone with intention, discretion, and the right support?

 👉 See if we’re a fit — Book a Complimentary Discovery Call 

Let’s get you moving toward the right match, not just the younger one.

_{Written by Diana Cikes}

You know the feeling: instant pull, intense eye contact, a date that feels like it’s happening in high-definition.

And then… you’re checking your phone too often. Replaying every moment. Wondering if you said the wrong thing. Feeling oddly “on,” slightly on edge—yet telling yourself, this must be chemistry.

For high-achieving, commitment-minded singles, this is one of the most common (and costly) dating misreads: confusing chemistry vs compatibility.

This isn’t about denying attraction or forcing yourself to “like someone nice.” It’s about learning to tell the difference between “fireworks” and real connection:

• Fireworks (intensity, uncertainty, emotional rollercoasters)
• Real connection (warmth, respect, mutual effort, and a steady pull that grows)

Let’s make it practical—and grounded.

What People Mean When They Say “I Want the Spark”

When most people say they want “the spark,” they usually mean:

• Instant chemistry
• A magnetic pull
• “I just knew”
• A date that feels effortless and electric
• A sense of destiny (or urgency)

Pop culture trained us to believe love arrives like a lightning strike.

But in real life—especially when you’re dating for partnership—instant intensity isn’t proof of compatibility. Sometimes it’s just proof your nervous system noticed something familiar.

Chemistry vs Compatibility: What’s Actually Happening in Your Body

That “I can’t stop thinking about them” feeling is often not intuition. It’s your nervous system responding to cues—especially if you’re used to being high-functioning, independent, and emotionally capable.

1) Familiarity can feel like fate

If you’ve experienced dynamics like inconsistency, emotional distance, or proving yourself, your system may interpret similar cues as “important.”

Not because they’re good—because they’re familiar.

2) Uncertainty creates a dopamine loop

When someone is warm one moment and vague the next, your brain can get hooked on the reward pattern:

Maybe this time I’ll get clarity.

That can feel like passion, but it’s often intermittent reinforcement—the same mechanism that makes anything unpredictable more compelling.

3) High-achieving people are especially vulnerable

If you’re used to solving problems, dating can become a puzzle:

• “What do they mean by that?”
• “How do I get them to choose me?”
• “What’s the right move?”

That chase can masquerade as connection—but it often has more to do with activation than alignment.

Fireworks That Are Actually Red Flags

“Fireworks” often show up alongside subtle instability. Not always dramatic—sometimes it’s polished, charming, and hard to name.

Inconsistent behavior you keep explaining away

• Great date → vague follow-up
• Intense texting → disappears for days
• Future talk → no actual plans

If the behavior doesn’t match the energy, that’s not romance—it’s confusion.

Hot-cold pursuit

They come in strong, then pull back. You feel relief when they return.

That relief can be mistaken for “how much you like them,” when it’s actually your system trying to regulate.

You feel on edge… but label it “chemistry”

Pay attention to internal cues:

• Tight chest
• Racing thoughts
• Over-analyzing
• Urge to perform
• Restless, nervous energy

Healthy attraction can be exciting. But it shouldn’t feel like self-abandonment.

What Healthy Attraction Feels Like Instead

If you’re serious about partnership, it helps to redefine what “good chemistry” looks like.

Stable, emotionally mature attraction often feels like:

• Warmth: you feel liked, not evaluated
• Ease: you can be yourself without “managing” the moment
• Curiosity: you want to know them, not win them
• Consistency: communication and effort are steady
• Calm interest: grounded desire to see them again (not obsession after one date)

You can still feel butterflies, but they’re not paired with dread.

Healthy chemistry feels like clarity with a pulse.
Not intensity with a question mark.

That’s the real upgrade in the chemistry vs compatibility conversation.

How to Recalibrate Your “Spark” Meter (Without Overthinking)

If your spark detector has been trained on chaos or uncertainty, you don’t fix it by thinking harder.

You recalibrate by checking evidence—and listening to your body.

Step 1: Do a 5-minute post-date debrief (no spiraling)

Ask yourself:

Body

• Did I feel more settled as the date went on—or more activated?
• Did I breathe normally?
• Did I feel safe to be honest?

Mind

• Do I like them… or do I like the way I felt being chosen/seen?
• Am I curious about who they are—or fixated on what they think of me?

Evidence

• Did they show consistency, respect, and follow-through?
• Did they ask questions and build connection—or perform charm?

The 3Cs Check (simple scoring tool)

Rate each from 1–10:

• Character (how they show up)
• Consistency (do words match actions?)
• Compatibility (values, lifestyle, pace, relationship readiness)

If the “spark” is a 10 but the 3Cs are a 4… that’s a data point.

Step 2: Give slow-burn potential a fair chance (with boundaries)

Not every calm connection is “the one.” But many high-quality partnerships build over 2–4 dates, not one.

Use this guideline:

• If they’re respectful, consistent, and you feel reasonably at ease, give it 2–3 dates before ruling it out.
• If you feel anxious, confused, or destabilized, do not override that just because the chemistry is strong.

This is where chemistry vs compatibility becomes real: you’re choosing what creates safety and attraction.

Step 3: Use scripts that protect your pace (and your self-respect)

If they’re moving too fast:
 “I’m enjoying getting to know you. I move best with steady pacing—let’s take this one step at a time.”

If they’re vague about intentions:
 “I’m dating intentionally and looking for a real partner. How are you approaching dating right now?”

If effort drops and you feel yourself chasing:
 “I’m looking for consistency. If you’re not in a place to build something steady, I’m stepping back.”

Calm. Clear. No drama.

Why Matchmaking Helps When You’re Done With the Rollercoaster

One reason “fireworks” become a pattern is that modern dating environments can reward intensity over integrity.

You meet a lot of people who are charming, ambiguous, or emotionally unavailable—and your nervous system gets trained to chase uncertainty.

High-end, human-led matchmaking changes the inputs:

• Curated introductions to emotionally ready, commitment-minded singles
• Less time decoding mixed signals
• More time assessing true compatibility (values, lifestyle, long-term vision)
• Coaching support so you choose love that feels steady—not addictive

It’s not a last resort. It’s a strategic choice for people who value their time, privacy, and emotional peace.

A More Grounded Kind of Chemistry

If you’ve been conditioned to equate intensity with love, calm can feel unfamiliar at first. But remember this:

Unfamiliar doesn’t mean wrong—sometimes it means health.

This year, consider choosing what chooses you back—clearly, consistently, and with care. If you want support recalibrating your “spark” meter—and meeting people who are actually ready—Divine Intervention Matchmaking is here.

👉 Book a confidential consultation if you’d like support strengthening your filter so you can start meeting people who are aligned in values, pace, and intention.

Written by Rob Klovance

First came the pandemic. Then came a broken ankle from a slip on a slick patch of grass. The year 2020 was off to a rough start for Mary (not her real name).

“I had given up – I just couldn’t be bothered to try to find someone for a romantic relationship,” says Mary, recalling those dark days. “And with COVID… yuck! The whole thought of dating someone was like a big fat ‘NO’.”

A designer who often works as a buyer of furniture and other items for film and TV sets, Mary had long ago sworn off dating anyone she worked with. In her early 60s, she felt no need to start anything new and figured she was fine on her own. Her last relationship had ended with the guy cheating on her.

But a call from Susan Semeniw of Divine Intervention Matchmaking changed everything. Susan broke through Mary’s reluctance with a plea to give some guy on Vancouver Island a 30-minute shot on the phone. “Thirty minutes? The first time we talked, the call lasted almost four hours,” gushes Mary. “On other calls, we talked as long as five and six hours. This guy is way more than just a nice guy. He’s very unusual. Intelligent, kind, with a sense of humour, and his conversational skills are epic.”

Susan had initially held back on showing Mary a photo of the guy. When she finally sent one, it was of a buff dude in a blazer. “I thought, well, he’s a nice looking man,” says Mary. “And wow, he’s really in very good shape. Even in a blazer I could still tell. That was different than what I’m used to – any athletic guys I had dated were built more like tennis players. But he was nice looking.”

Meanwhile on Vancouver Island, 67-year-old teacher Ian (not his real name) was falling hard for this sparkplug of a woman he had never met. And after nearly two months of marathon phone calls, it was time they got together.

“From the start, there was this affinity we felt for each other, and it grew into something more,” says Ian, a Clark Kent intellectual whose Superman years were spent in the world of pro sports.

Dinner, a ring, and a promise

Two months into their virtual dating, Ian didn’t just want to meet Mary. He wanted her to get acquainted with his adult son and his best friend, too. Mary agreed to the meeting, on her terms.

“At the time, I wasn’t feeling great about myself and didn’t want to dress up,” says Mary. “I told him: ‘There will be no high heels. There’s going to be nothing.’ He talked about places to go for dinner and I said: ‘I don’t want anything fancy. Would you mind just making dinner at home so we could have a quiet night and I can put my foot up?”

Ian agreed, made a yummy souvlaki dinner and baked a pie. It turns out the intellectual athlete could cook. He also let her chill while he headed to his home gym for a workout, check in to ice her ankle, and introduced her to the son he lived with.

“I adore his son,” she says. “The two of us get along like a house on fire.” The second time Mary visited Ian, he had a surprise for her: a sapphire ring he had picked out for her weeks before he met her face-to-face.

“When I bought the ring, I was thinking, you haven’t even kissed this woman or held her hand,” he recalls with a chuckle.

“We had this virtual relationship, but there was such a great mutual attraction. I had found someone who was from the heart, and cerebral. There’s just something about her giving spirit. What we have is just so natural and right. It’s hard to explain it.”

When Mary was presented with the wrapped gift, she guessed it was jewelry but wondered why, because Ian knew she didn’t wear much jewelry. “And then I saw the ring, and that’s when he said ‘I love you’,” she says.

A word of advice to others: Always have hope

Ian and Mary are in it for the long haul. Ian is renovating his Island home to accommodate Mary.

His advice to others working with his Susan is to trust her judgment.

“There were several women [with Divine Intervention] who showed interest, and she rejected the idea because she knew they wouldn’t be right for me,” he says. “I had about four dates through the service before I met Mary. She’s one Susan really thought could be a great match. I’m still pinching myself and wondering how this all happened.”

Mary can’t believe it either.

“This is a one-off, I’ll tell you that, “ she says. “I’ve never had that thing with somebody where we just clicked this much. I admire him, he’s a really good man, and we have so much fun together.”

*** names have been changed for privacy